Two persons complained that we did nothing for families, only for the care system.
Nobody sees the hours we spend talking to distressed grandparents comforting them and in a few cases talking them round from suicide as well as trying to help them back into their grandchildren’s lives. Attached are guidelines we have produced with our experience for grandparents and parents let us know what you think of them we are always open for improvement.
As far as legal rights of contact for grandparents is concerned we have campaigned for just that for years and eventually it has went cold and nobody in government is interested. Where is the point of flogging a dead horse? We need to change tact.
We firmly believe we should have some sort of official contact for the safety of our ‘Forgotten Grandchildren’ especially in danger homes. We will still battle on for the ‘Charter for Grandchildren’ to be made mandatory for professionals. This would ensure by law that grandparents are recognised for the support and protection they can give their grandchildren. The government’s failure to do this is not using every possible effort in a child’s best interest.
We are now gathering support from MSPs and MPs and City Councillors.
A grandparent’s most concern is the children, without them why would we bother. Some grandparents demand rights for themselves just because they say so. Grandparents have reared a family and proud of it and quite rightly so but they need to be careful not to patronise the young parents. If they feel uncomfortable in visiting the grandparents they will eventually stop altogether then animosity creeps in... Parents need to make their own mistakes and do it their way.
When problems arise in a family there must be change, something is going wrong and needs to be nipped in the bud and Mediation is excellent for doing just that. It can stop a molehill becoming a mountain.
Grandparents must learn to let their son/daughter go as their child and they will surely return as a friend looking for loving advice and help but only when asked for. When they say to you “I want to do it my way” it should respected. They will, do it anyway and you won’t be there to pick up the pieces. You can’t control them all their lives.
Would you have put up with being told what to do or made to feel you are not doing it right when you were young? Think about it!
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart UK
22 Alness crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
http://www.grandparentsapart.co.uk
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Hi Jimmy. You all are doing a great job. In following your guidelines I have established a workable relationship with my estranged daughter in law which has resulted in us having regular contact with our grandchildren. Following the breakdown our son is now following a new career in the navy and will be absent for long periods so we see it as essential to maintain contact. There is so much I would like to say to my daughter in law re the hurt and heartache her actions caused to all of us but I have learned to bite tongue as your guidelines suggest and as a result we are taking the children to their dads passing out parade next week. Much better than lying night after night wondering when and if we will ever see them again. Do not let anyone tell you are not doing a great job. Regards Alison B----
ReplyDeleteJimmy You are oh so right, I remember when Ifirst contacted you over my grandchhaildren being kept from
ReplyDeleteus they were being used as weapons. The matter was quickly resolved by our son, and although we have
nothing to do with DIL, we see children at least twice a week , and are taking them on holiday in August.
Our son has told us they would not be able to manage without us.
Take care. Pauline
Hi Jimmy, I can only agree with your actions and thank you from the botttom of my heart for doing your best in difficult imes for all the grandparents. I live in New zealand and my grandchildren are in the UK AND FINALLY AFTER 8 LONG YEARS I HAVE BEEN IN TOUCH WITH THEM. i WILL CONTINUE TO SUPPORT YOU AND HOPE THAT ONE DAY THE gOVERNMENT WIL SEE SENSE AND GIVE THE GRANPARENTS THE RIGHTS THEY DESERVE.
ReplyDeleteLynda Mahony
Jimmy
ReplyDeleteVery good advice. I expect a lot of difficulties could be avoided by those that should know better. Your role in counselling is absolutely wonderful.
The law should not routinely be involved in contact issues. It is a last resort. However there does have to be a backstop. Everyone in society has to know that there is a line that cannot be crossed. If society does not make the boundaries of acceptable behaviour clear, and back them by compulsion, then no tolerance, no mediation, not forbearance, no negotiation will make the slightest difference. We do not allow parents to choose not to have their children educated or treated when they are ill. We simply say, as a society, that it is non-negotiable.
It is accepted by almost everyone that a child’s best interests are served by having contact with both parents. Streamlined modern legal enforcement needs to be put in place. It should be clear-cut and very brisk. When that comes about more people will make their own arrangements without recourse to law, and fewer children will lose contact with their non-resident parent. It may be ultimately be possible to extend this to grandparents but let’s get parental contact sorted out first. It is a complete disaster area at present.
Social Services have a lot to answer for. They should involve and consult grandparents, and if they won’t, a statutory duty needs to be imposed on them.
Best wishes
David
Hi Jmmy and Margaret,
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to justify your actions to me. You are doing many times more than others dare do. I have found in my role as a city councillor, you can get the moon for some people and they'll still moan and demand the stars.
Some people are just takers and give nothing and these types can come at any age.
You are the rare ones who give and expect no reward. If more politicians were like you and did what they should do instesad of feathering their own nests, the battle would have been won by now.
Keep going in your own way. You will always hold my respect.
James
My take on it would be Jimmy, that you have done everything in your power to highlight the needs of children in their formative years. What people tend to conveniently forget is the banner you go by namely Grandparents Apart UK and has to do with grandparent’s rights. So if anyone wishes to argue or undermined your integrity please refer them to me.
ReplyDeleteKind regards
Mike
www.nscfc.