Shut out and forgottenThe Sunday Express, Nicola Barry
More and more grandparents are cut off from their grandchildren by divorce, family rows or, more unusually, when the children are taken into care. As Nicola Barry discovers, many never see them again.BACK in September 1993, Hugh and Margaret Rennie had their six-year-old (granddaughter to stay. When they discovered she weighed just 3Olbs, they decided toapply for custody. After a long court battle, which ended up costing the Ayrshire couple £20,000 they succeeded. That child is now 21.
Then in 1999. out of the blue. A social worker from Slough. Berkshire, informed the Rennies that their four other grandchildren. three girls and a boy. all under nine. had been horrifically abused and neglected.
The couple was asked if they could provide the children with a home.
While they were informed if they "stayed in the background that everything would be alright”, a year later the youngsters were taken into care - all to foster parents
All these years later, the Rennies say, without hesitation, that the situation has "ruined then" lives".
We ail know that the break-up of any family is messy at the best of times. No matter how hard couples try to resolve their differences, it is rare for access arrangements ever togo smoothly. But hidden behind the legal complexities and dramas played out, grandparents are almost always forgotten.
Many grandparents act as child minders for their children's offspring, in many cases, up to five days a week. Yet grandparents have no automatic legal right to see their grandchildren when couples separate. In fact. they have no rights at all.
Divorce and separation have hit them hard. With more and more going to court in an attempt to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren. This can be an expensive andpainful procedure. In the case of Hugh, 61, and Margaret, 64, it has been both. The Rennies insist lies have been told about them, with the social workers involved told by their daughter that they are unsuitable guardians - nothing could be further from the truth.
SOME parents bring false accusations of abuse, and even where these are discounted by the court, the hostility between family members may remain so great that the court decides it is in the best interests of the child not to grant contact with the grandparents.
"First of all a guardian ad litem, acting for the children, arrived at our house and explained his role in the proceedings," says Margaret. "He stayed for approximately threehours and took no notes. Before leaving he said he had arranged for the children to come the following day and stay.
“The children duly arrived for a week's holiday and returned home to their respective carers, having had great time.
"After that we maintained weekly contact with the children by telephone – arranged through the social worker.
"We had a great relationship with the Slough social worker, right up until July, 2000, when someone else took over."
Between August 30 and September 2, a psychologist came to assess the couple, their son and his then fiancée, now his wile After one more assessment, all contact with thechildren was stopped.
"We did not know at that point that Slough Social Services had already got adoptive parents in place for the two youngest children," says Margaret.
"On September 8, at our request, the new social worker came to the house and outlinedwhat had been happening. She stayed for about two hours but did not take any notes
"Since then we have heard nothing from Slough Social Services about the children. Wehave been told we have to forget them We have that in writing.
"It was only later that we discovered we were entitled to view all reports held by the localauthority on us. To date, all our requests have been ignored."
They also point out that only one person - the psychologist - carried out assessments onthem, yet the guardian ad litem and social worker came, independently, to the sameconclusion. "The judge made his decision on that one assessment," Margaret says. The Rennies asked to see the papers but were only given a copy of one assessment carriedout by the psychologist.
"Taking into account solicitor fees, court and travel costs; we have paid out approximately£20.000.' Hugh says. "But like a lot of grandparents, for us it is not about the money. We only wish to know the children are being well looked after and we want to see them again."
THE Rennies case is not untypical. So many extended family members endure the breakdown of a whole structure. Aunts, uncles. and cousins can be involved - which is where Grandparents Apart UK comes in.
A charity run by grandparents for grandparents, it now has branches through-out the UK and a telephone helpline.
There is a lot of ignorance out there. For example, with an unmarried couple, the only person with legal rights over any children is the parent who has custody of them.
Nine times out of ten it is the mother. The majority of grandparents who are prevented from seeing their grandchildren are from the paternal family.
Jimmy Deuchars 64, who manages The grandparents Apart UK says “it is not unusual for a mother to refuse to allow the father and his family to see the children.
As things stand, grandparents are guilty until proved innocent. There are no automatic rights. If the parents have fallen out with you then you may not get to see your grandchildren.
Jimmy, a former taxi driver, says mediators resolved his own situation. His daughter – who had two children – died of breast cancer. Jimmy and his wife Margaret looked after the baby while their daughter’s husband cared for the older child.
But the husband met someone else who didn’t want us to have access so we called in family mediation says jimmy. Now he sees the children regularly. “if mediation was brought in early enough,” jimmy adds, “you can often prevent molehills turning into mountains.”
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We have heard nothing from social services about our grandchildren. We have been told we have to forget them – and we have that in writing.'
