Grandparents do have a role to play

the Scotsman and Edinburgh Evening News

http://news.scotsman.com/opinion/-Gina-Davidson-Grandparents-do.5041275.jp#3817986

Published Date: 05 March 2009
By GINA DAVIDSON

I HAVE probably never thanked them properly, but the truth is that life would be a lot harder without my children's grandparents. While I might not believe in the policy that chocolate buttons cure all ills – a grandparental prerogative apparently – I wouldn't be able to work if it wasn't for them pitching in to pick up their beloved grandchildren from nursery three days a week.

And whenever the need to pretend that I still have a social life becomes too much to bear, at least one grandparent is happy to sit in on a Saturday night watching Dinosapien and Ben 10 and dishing out milk and animal-shaped biscuitsWhat's more,

the relationship my children have with their three grandparents is a wonderful thing to behold. They just love them for all the fun – and sometimes lack of discipline – they provide in their lives. I really cannot imagine how much more stressful, on so many levels, life would be without them being involved in our family.And yet in these days of the so-called "broken society", having an extended family to help pitch in and take care of the kids is becoming extremely unusual. Which is why, when there are grandparents around to offer physical, emotional or even financial aid to struggling parents, it seems odd that there seems to be some kind of official blacklisting of them as individuals who can help.Yesterday there was a mass protest by grandparents in Glasgow's George Square registering their disgust at the fact that they are not allowed to look after their own flesh and blood should the need arise. Organised by the pressure group Grandparents Apart UK, the rally was protesting against local authority social work department adoption policies which seem to leave grans and grandads out in the cold.

The most recent case in Edinburgh is that of the two children being adopted by a gay couple, despite the grandparents – who had looked after them for years because their mother is a recovering heroin addict – registering their dismay at the need for adoption and at the fact that the children wouldn't be raised in a conventional family. The grandparents claim that they were bullied into agreeing with this option as they were threatened with never seeing the kids again.If true, it's a shocking allegation against the Edinburgh social workers involved in the case, but it would seem that it's just the tip of the iceberg.

One Edinburgh grandfather who is involved with the pressure group, told me this week how he wrote a letter of concern to the city's social work department about the treatment of his grandson by his mother. He was concerned that due to her history of mental health problems, there were times when the child was at threat of physical abuse. He was, he says, prompted to do this because his grandson had called his father to claim his mum was hitting him.Social services duly acted, visiting the mother at home – but during that visit revealed to her they had received a complaint from the grandad and what his allegations were. He was unsurprisingly then contacted by the mother (an allegedly foul-mouthed and abusive conversation) and then by letter from social services saying they had investigated and were happy with what they saw. And yet they never asked him for any information, nor did they get in touch with the child's father (who apparently is constantly in court trying to get access to see his son) to find out what their "evidence" was.This grandfather admits that there is no desire to remove the child from his mother, that she is not "completely hopeless" as a parent, but that they just wish to be more involved in the child's life – but she makes it difficult. Going to social work for help, he says, has only made it more difficult and he hasn't seen his grandson for seven months.

Jimmy Deuchars, organiser of the rally, says such cases are all too common and that in a lot of cases social workers don't even speak to grandparents at all. Quite why this should be so is hard to understand, given that Scots law, the UN Convention on Human Rights and the European Court of Human Rights all recognise children's rights to benefit from the care of the wider family. A report by the Centre for Research on Families and Relationships – based on the Growing Up in Scotland survey (GUS) – also showed that grandparents are extremely important in what they can provide in terms of support for most parents. All parents need family (or friends) to call on at times.

Grandparents are crucial when parents work, or for single parents who are trying to cope on their own. Those who are not working and have less time pressures often have financial pressures and a different juggling act. Again, grandparents' help can be key. Surely it is time that the rights of grandparents be enshrined in a similar way as that of their grandchildren? Their voices – and those of the extended family – need to be heard if our broken society is ever to move towards being repaired.