My oldest son has phoned me. ( the mother stopped me seeing them since mid dec )
He has asked why I have not phoned him on a Sunday as his mother instructed me to.
I told him that I was not being told by her when I could phone.
He asked for his Xmas presents and his warhammer models.
His x-box is broken and he is bored.
I wonder if the mother has allowed him to contact me so as he can get stuff?
Anyway, I asked if he wanted to come through for a weekend and he went and asked his mother.
She said yes ( how nice of her )
I am supposed to see them in a fortnights time and have mixed feelings about it.
I do not want to go back to being abused by their mother and am in 2 minds about the whole thing.
She will not change and it is so much hassle because she is a monster.
He told me that he did not like me falling out with him ( I lost the plot after my works xmas lunch ) in mid december and that he did not like me calling his mother an A*hole and a bi*ch ( the drink was in and the wit was out ). I am a very bad boy!
The reason I went off the deep end was the culmination of the sh*te that was happening, things such as me going all the way up to Inverness to collect them ....only to find out that they wouldn't turn up and I had to go all the way back without them, this is after me booking time off work, buying train tickets etc. ( not the first time ) Stopping my girlfriend cutting their hair, totally ruining all the plans for Xmas ( it was my turn ),.
The list of sh*te goes on and on and it has steadily got worse over the last 6 years.
I know that it was so wrong to do that, he just pushed the buttons once too much!
How do I get it through to him that his mother is being so bad to me and is making life so difficult.
It won't be too long before I can stop the 6 hour round trip to inverness as they can be put on the train by their mother and I ( I would have to pay of course )
The alienation is definately setting in ( I can see it in my oldest boy ) he seems to think his mother is great!
It has been okay for the last 8 weeks and my life has had some calm in it.
I can see why some dads have given up fighting with the mother.
The fight with the system by me will never end and no matter what I will chase the politicians to the ends of the earth.
It is them that can affect the changes needed.
Any words of advice from you would be appreciated.
Regards
Richard
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kornelious, even though it is very difficult sometimes to keep your cool i would advise , never let your sons hear you say anything derogitory about your ex . if you do you are playing into her hands , keep it for when they have gone home. they will respect you more for keeping it to yourself. when children hear any bad remarks about their other parent it just hurts them , they feel pulled between the two and are emotionally damaged . they may even decide it would make their life easier if they have no contact just to save themselves the need to deal with it .hope this helps .even though things are bad ,you are so lucky to at least have a opening to see them , we desperetly wish we even had a glimpse of our granchildren. regards karen
ReplyDeletehi kornelious it's true what tammy says they love there mother of course they do as she is bringing them up'you dont know what lie's and the rubbish she has told them, so please dont take it out on them its not there fault
ReplyDeleteofcourse he wants his his stuff + he is bored just think off his life style with his mum the lies were told to them when they were young and thats when the kids are vunarable they mind what was said he has no dad to take him to football and do all the things that a dad does. so please dont take it out on them, get as much contact when it is going ok tell your son i cant afford a new x- box but come on son lets see if the shop can repair it. when they are around the 18 mark then show them the money you spent trying to get access the effort you put out
then korneious they will love you all the more and even then dont call there mother down they will have sussed the whole truth then they will deal with mum but in there own way. if you start loosing the head with them then they will say yes mum was right he shouts at us does not love us he only contacts when mum makes him when the going gets tough just go back in your mind when they were just kids and running up to you for kisses cuddles then it will help you cope its your ex that is at fault not them
please dont think i am downing you i understand the frustration but at the risk off repeating my self not there fault so treasure every minute you can get with them
because they only know the bad that she put in there mind so proove her wrong.at this minute in time.
charlie